berries are sour at times.

Oh yes. I have to be happy. :)

Oh yes, I LOVE fucking my life up.

You just don't understand. What I wanted from you, isn't the amount of time we talked on phone. All I wanted is the attention of you for that second, not talking about others but wholly me and you. It never did happened. Your attention is split. To many different sections. Even

when times that we're together, people'd call you and bla bla bla. Did I even say you can't answer or what? But, you can talk to them for HOURS on the phone, leaving me there alone. Like some stupid idiot can.

The first time in my life someone hung a call on me. You said the 'Ah bengs' treat me like Goddess, you treating me like a toy/trash. When you're free, you bring this 'toy' out and when you're busy with your work, you throw the 'toy' aside. Just that the 'toy' is slightly more important/attached than the rest of the 'toys', so you made an effort to spend the free time with it instead of others. That's all. Is that what you're thinking in your heart? Or what? I seriously don't know what you're thinking.

You said that work is more important. I said I'd try to understand. So your good friend is a part of your work too? I don't mind you spending time with him. I just want you to divert some attention to me at times. You never did. You called, I was happy for a moment. Talked about your good friend and you hung. Oh, so that's what it's all about? 3-4 minutes talk all about you being afraid that I might fall for your good friend and not even showing any concern to me.After that, you want to hang up, I tried to reason with you. You scolded me a chunk of words and hung my call. First time. That's great. Oh-so-great. -'-

My heart fucking ache when your phone hung at that split second. Fucking feel like crying. Fucking wanna vent on twitter, fucking wanna spam my Facebook status. And if I really did that, all I got from you is saying me childish. How mature you want me to be? You always said that what you've been thru made you the way you're now, have you even thought of the things that I have been thru? Do you even know? You said that my family is better off, do you even know the inner conflicts? The complications? The relationships between my family? You fucking don't know anything.

At least, you have great parents. When you're sitting down having dinner with them, do you know that I never had dinner with my parents before I was 14? WE NEVER SAT DOWN AND EAT TOGETHER EXCEPT MAJOR OCCASIONS. I went home 2-3 times a month? I seen my mother for 4 times per month and sometimes less than that? I seen my dad less than 2 times? Only after I moved back then I seen them more often. What were they doing? Arguing all day long and there are a lot more that I don't wish to divulge here. Don't say that I never understand you when you never tried to understand me.

You always said that you hope that I'll understand you. Did you understand me? Did you even try to understand? I don't even want to start a fight with you. I don't mean a thing, do I? My heart is super pain.