Yesterday night, my aunt called me and told me that my lecturers are not going to let me take my exams after the Yog holidays. She asked me if I really want to continue with the course or do I want to quit instead. I was.. Confused. I don't know what exactly I want in life. What do I want, what do I want. I don't know.. I worked my way towards Poly, I go extra miles. I went private school and got into poly from there. What do I exactly want? I don't want to give up now. However, I'm not interested in the course.. Okay, I thought I'm interested. But when I thought of wearing the lab coat for life, I don't want this kind of life.
Okay, so what do I want? I think I need time to think about it. If I wanna continue with this course, I have to ask my mum to see the lecturers. I knew it'll be like this. I never regret, I just need to know whether which is the way I wanna go now.
For the past two weeks, I've been living my grandparents' place. I did not talk to my mum or take a single cent from her. There are so many complications in my family that outsiders will never understand. I love her but she'd never understand me. I love my parents but they quarrel like nobody's business. My aunt asked me if I could forgive my mum yesterday. I mumbled a 'hm'. However, I don't wish to face my parents for now.
I'm fucking messed up. I need a stabilizer. I don't wanna cry to sleep. I was crying for hours yesterday. I am crying now while typing this post. Wtf am I thinking? Why can't I be stronger? Why must I stumble and fall?
3 comments:
Hi, you probably know me, but I prefer to stay anonymous.
I completely understand how you feel! I'm going through the exact same thing except for the part staying-in-my-grandparents-place. You're a little bit luckier than I am cause at least you have someone blood related to you that you can stay with.
But yeah, I'm in your shoes too, I quarreled with my parents really badly till I walked out and I don't wish to face them at the moment too.
It was about really stupid things, like religion, work, staying out late, friends, boyfriend. Really stupid things. That blew up beyond proportion & it really sucks because I thought they were the ones who were supposed to be closest to me. And I've been living in a condition I never thought I'd live in for the past.. it's coming 2 months now.
Just know that you're not alone in this, you have an amazing boyfriend that truly cares for you, and your friends that are behind you.
And if your situation is really bad, just wait till you're 18, you have the right to move out of your house and be on your own & by the time you're 21, you're free :)
Lots of love,
Your reader.
P.S Take care, Cassandra :)
Thanks a lot, I really needed that.
I never thought that things will go this way too. However, it did. I just hope that everything will turn better. If my mum do not plead the lecturers for me, I'm not going to have a chance to take my exams, let alone continuing my studies in Singapore Poly.
Yup, I quarreled with them over the same things like you've did. It's really stupid. Nevertheless, it still affects us. They needed time to understand us and we needed time to face them again.
But first, I have to really sort out my thoughts and know what I really want. I hope you have sorted out your thinking when you decided to move out and you wouldn't regret your choice. I hope it isn't just a moment of pique that makes you moved out of your place.
However, I really appreciated it. Take care too, my friend.
Hi, you probably don't know me lol. So I shall be anonymous.
Well the choice of jobs are plentiful, you don't have to wear lab coats for life unless you want to be make your own products. For my case, I planned to be Regional Cosmetic Manager whereby the company sponsor this person to fly overseas to give presentations to other companies. Basically you get to fly everywhere for free and get paid lol. And from what I heard, the presentation is like a small part of 1 day and yet, you get to stay for 3 days in the country, so its like having fun and get paid hahaha.
Even if you really don't know what to do yet, I suggest you clear your course first at least you get to go somewhere and prolong your "choices" because you can still transfer to somewhere with a Diploma.
If life is being a little harsh then I guess you have to "pain it out". For my life at least I did so. Unlike you, I have neither closest friends or any nice family background that you can actually share stories with them so I actually have a crappy life as well haha. But because I want to get rid of all these crap, I planned to study well and get the hell out of this place lol.
Clubbing, drinking and stuff like that might be fun, but if you have to do it for months I don't think the thrills are there anymore. It gets bored whenever you do a same thing repeatedly... (anyway its bad for health anyway)
Bottom line of all the crap of what I said above, you live your life, just never have regrets in your life, because those regrets pain you permanently....
Yours sincerely,
Your anonymous reader
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